One of the greatest problems in modern Christianity is not sin, demons, or lack of prayer. It is the refusal to think. Many believers outsource their reasoning to traditions, popular teachings, and emotional sermons without ever sitting down to ask simple, honest questions.
As a result, faith becomes mechanical, marriages suffer in silence, and spiritual activities are practiced without understanding. One of the clearest examples of this confusion is the belief that sex between a husband and wife somehow becomes wrong or spiritually contaminating during fasting and prayer.
This idea has no solid biblical foundation, yet it is defended passionately by people who have never thought it through.
The truth is simple but deep: there is nothing wrong with a married couple having sex while fasting and praying. In fact, when properly understood, marital intimacy often strengthens spiritual flow rather than weakens it. God is not confused about marriage. He created it.
He designed sex within it. He understands its power, its purpose, and its spiritual implications far better than religious systems do.
From the very beginning, God established sex in marriage as sacred, not sinful. Genesis 2:24 declares that a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. This oneness is not poetic language. It is spiritual reality. The union of husband and wife is a covenant act that involves the spirit, soul, and body. What God ordained as holy cannot suddenly become unholy because someone decided to fast. God does not contradict Himself.
Scripture consistently affirms marital intimacy as honorable. Hebrews 13:4 says marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled. The Bible does not insert a footnote that says ‘except during fasting’. That addition comes from human imagination, not divine revelation. When believers create rules God never made, they place burdens on people that God never intended.
The apostle Paul addressed this issue with clarity and balance in 1 Corinthians 7:3–5. He instructed husbands and wives to render affection to one another and warned against depriving each other. He only allowed abstinence by mutual consent and for a limited time, specifically so that both partners agree and are not tempted.
Even then, he commanded them to come together again. This passage alone dismantles the idea that abstinence during prayer is a spiritual obligation. It is optional, mutual, and temporary. Any teaching that goes beyond this is not biblical; it is personal preference dressed up as spirituality.
Many people fast without understanding why they are fasting. Fasting is meant to discipline the flesh, sharpen spiritual sensitivity, and refocus the heart on God. It was never designed to punish the body or neglect covenant responsibilities. A man who fasts but ignores his wife is missing the point entirely. God does not respond to hunger strikes that violate love, honor, and understanding.
This brings us to a deeper spiritual principle many refuse to acknowledge: a man’s spiritual life is directly connected to the emotional and spiritual state of his wife. The Bible is very clear about this. 1 Peter 3:7 instructs husbands to dwell with their wives with understanding and to honor them, so that their prayers will not be hindered. This means prayer can be blocked not by demons, but by domestic imbalance. Heaven pays attention to how a man treats his wife.
A bitter, neglected, emotionally starved wife is not just a marital issue; it is a spiritual liability. Many men shout in prayer rooms, bind spirits, and fast aggressively while the real blockage is sleeping beside them. God is not impressed by public spirituality that contradicts private responsibility. Malachi 2:14–15 reveals that God rejects offerings from men who deal treacherously with their wives. No amount of fasting can override relational injustice.
For those who understand spiritual economics, a happy and fulfilled wife is a channel of favor. Proverbs 18:22 says he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Favor is not a mystical concept reserved for church language. Favor manifests as access, protection, opportunities, mercy, and acceleration. A man walking in favor often cannot explain why doors open for him, but scripture explains it clearly. His home is aligned.
Sex in marriage plays a vital role in maintaining that alignment. Marital intimacy fosters emotional safety, trust, affection, and peace. These are not small matters. They are spiritual conditions. Psalm 133 teaches that unity commands blessing. Unity is not sustained by prayer alone; it is sustained by intentional connection. Sex is one of the strongest bonds God gave to marriage to preserve unity.
When a woman is loved, desired, and emotionally secure, she becomes a multiplier in a man’s life. Proverbs 31 describes a woman whose husband’s heart safely trusts in her, and as a result, he lacks no good thing. Notice the sequence. Trust and peace precede increase. A woman at peace is not competing with her husband spiritually; she is complementing him.
On the other hand, scripture also reveals the danger of neglect. Proverbs 14:1 says a wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one pulls it down with her hands. Bitterness is destructive. When a woman is consistently unhappy, unheard, or rejected, her spirit reflects it. This does not mean women are witches controlling men’s destinies. It means God designed marriage as a system. When one part is damaged, the whole system suffers.
Many believers want open heavens while ignoring earthly responsibilities. Jesus addressed this mindset in Matthew 5:23–24 when He said if you bring your gift to the altar and remember your brother has something against you, leave the gift and reconcile first. God prioritizes relational harmony over religious performance. This principle applies even more strongly in marriage.
Some pastors privately understand this truth, even if they hesitate to say it publicly. A settled man carries the anointing better than a frustrated one. Ecclesiastes 9:9 encourages men to live joyfully with the wife they love. Joy is not the enemy of spirituality. Nehemiah 8:10 reminds us that the joy of the Lord is strength. A joyful home strengthens a man’s spiritual capacity.
The idea that deprivation produces holiness is not biblical. Colossians 2:20–23 warns against self-imposed religion and harsh treatment of the body, which appear wise but have no value in restraining fleshly indulgence. True holiness flows from alignment, not denial. When desire is expressed lawfully, it loses its power to distract. When suppressed wrongly, it often resurfaces in unhealthy ways.
It must also be said that fasting does not override wisdom. Hosea 4:6 declares that people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Many marriages suffer unnecessary tension because couples follow teachings they never examined. God never told husbands to starve their wives emotionally in the name of prayer. God never instructed wives to endure neglect as a sign of spirituality. These ideas are products of unexamined religion.
Jesus commanded us to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind. Thinking is part of spirituality. Faith that forbids reasoning becomes dangerous. Truth welcomes examination. Any doctrine that collapses under simple biblical scrutiny was never truth to begin with.
This is the core truth: sex in marriage does not weaken spiritual life; it strengthens it when practiced with understanding, love, and honor. Heaven is not closed by intimacy. Heaven is closed by bitterness, neglect, pride, and ignorance. Many believers are fasting, praying, and shouting while ignoring the wisdom that would bring peace to their homes and flow to their lives.
Until believers learn to think deeply, read scripture honestly, and apply wisdom practically, many will continue to struggle unnecessarily. They will keep blaming the devil for what disobedience created. They will keep praying for breakthroughs while blocking them at home. God is not complicated. His ways are orderly. When marriage is aligned, spirituality flows. When the home is at peace, heaven responds.
This is not rebellion against faith. It is a return to truth. And truth, when embraced, always produces freedom.
Sam Adeoye is a Coach, Counselor, Pastor, Therapist, and Writer.
