Marriage is collapsing in our age, not because God’s design failed, but because religion has crept in to redefine what God never said. Across nations, homes are broken, couples live as strangers, children grow in confusion, and yet pulpits are still preaching “submission before love” and “male superiority”. The question is: where did we go wrong?
The root problem is clear—we have allowed religion, culture, and human interpretations to replace God’s original intent for marriage. What God established as a covenant of equality, unity, and love has been turned into a hierarchy of oppression, a burden of unrealistic expectations, and a system of manipulation that favors one gender over the other.
This article exposes the major errors religion has injected into marriage and offers a return to the truth that makes homes strong.
Error 1: The False superiority of man over woman
One of the most damaging lies in history is that man is superior to woman. This belief has enslaved generations of women, crippled the growth of men, and poisoned marriages.
But the truth of Scripture refutes this lie. Genesis 1:27–28 says: “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them. And God blessed them…”
Notice that male and female were created together, blessed together, and empowered together. God did not create man first and later decide woman was a lesser afterthought. Instead, both were expressions of His image—equal, divine reflections of His nature.
In Genesis 2, when God formed woman from man’s side, it was not to place her beneath him but beside him. The rib was chosen, not the head or the feet. This symbolism is divine: woman was never designed for domination but for companionship.
Yet religion twisted this truth. Through centuries of misinterpretation, man became “lord” and woman became “servant”. This has led to broken marriages where women are silenced and men carry a throne they cannot sustain.
But Scripture clears the confusion:
“God is no respecter of persons.” – Acts 10:34
If God shows no partiality, then to declare male superiority is to slander His character. The truth is simple—marriage is not a throne for man and a cage for woman; it is a covenant of equals.
Error 2: Misplaced submission and misinterpreted love
Few scriptures have been more misused than Ephesians 5:22–25:
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands… Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church…”
For centuries, preachers and men have highlighted submission while ignoring love. But the balance of this scripture has been lost. Submission without love becomes slavery. And love without mutual respect becomes manipulation.
Look closely at Paul’s writing. Before Paul ever spoke of wives submitting, he gave this command:
“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God”. – Ephesians 5:21
The context of marriage is mutual submission—not one-sided dominance. Love is the soil; submission is the fruit. A woman cannot truly submit to an unloved man, and a man cannot demand respect he has not sown through love.
Even more, no husband can truly love his wife as Christ loved the church in the same measure, because Christ birthed the church by His own blood. Husbands are not creators of their wives; they are partners in destiny. Paul’s command was not a license for men to play God but a call to sacrificial partnership.
When religion flips the order—placing submission before love—it reduces marriage to a hierarchy, not a covenant. And this error has birthed generations of wounded women and frustrated men.
Error 3: The burden of provision misapplied
Another scripture that has been used to imprison men is 1 Timothy 5:8:
“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel”.
Religious culture interpreted this as: “It is the man’s duty to provide everything for the home”. And thus, men are crushed under pressure, women are excused into dependency, and marriages suffer imbalance.
But the context reveals otherwise. Paul was writing to Timothy about widows—young women who had lost their husbands yet refused to work, depending on the church to provide for them. This verse was never a universal law that men alone must provide.
The truth is: provision is a shared responsibility. Before marriage, each individual must first be responsible for themselves. Within marriage, both husband and wife bring their strengths together to build the household.
When provision becomes one-sided, marriages crumble. But when it becomes a partnership, homes thrive.
Error 4: The manipulation of religious leaders
Perhaps the gravest danger to marriage is not even scripture itself but how religious leaders have misused it. From pulpits to prayer houses, couples are manipulated into decisions that have nothing to do with God’s intent.
Some leaders elevate doctrines above dialogue. Others elevate church traditions above marital truth. Couples are pressured to stay in abusive systems, told that divorce is the only sin God cannot forgive, and manipulated to give more time, money, and loyalty to the church than to their own spouses.
Jesus condemned such religious control in Mark 7:13:
“Thus you nullify the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down.”
When religion is exalted above love, homes are destroyed. When pastors become louder than partners, marriages weaken. And when the church is placed above the spouse, the covenant of marriage is violated.
Lessons from the scripture: Mutuality in marriage
The Bible, when rightly understood, is not a book of oppression but a book of partnership. Let us consider some truths:
1. Abraham listened to Sarah.
In Genesis 21:12, God told Abraham, “Listen to whatever Sarah tells you.” If the father of faith was commanded to heed his wife’s counsel, why do modern men silence theirs?
2. Wisdom is feminine.
Proverbs 8 presents wisdom as a woman, saying she was with God at creation. If God, the Almighty, “carried” wisdom alongside Him, why do men leave their wives behind in vision and decisions?
3. Ecclesiastes speaks of partnership.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9
The very essence of marriage is partnership—two bringing better results than one.
How religion destroys marriages
Religion destroys marriages in several ways:
• By creating hierarchies where God created equality.
• By demanding submission without demanding sacrificial love.
• By placing financial burdens on men while excusing women.
• By turning pulpits into thrones of control instead of fountains of truth.
• By elevating tradition above revelation.
The result is homes filled with silent wives, exhausted husbands, unbalanced roles, and children who grow up replicating the same cycles.
The path to healing marriages
If marriages are to survive in this generation, couples must separate religion from God’s truth. Here is the path forward:
1. Return to God’s original design.
See one another as equals in creation, destiny, and purpose.
2. Practice mutual submission.
As Paul wrote, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
3. Share responsibilities.
Both financially, emotionally, spiritually, and domestically.
4. Prioritise love above all.
Love is not just a feeling—it is patience, kindness, sacrifice, and forgiveness (1 Corinthians 13:4–7).
5. Silence manipulative voices.
Your marriage is your first ministry. No preacher, prophet, or tradition should speak louder than your covenant.
6. Carry each other along.
Dream together, plan together, build together.
A call to re-imagine marriage
Marriage is not about superiority or servitude. It is about love and partnership. When couples embrace equality, they discover strength. When they share responsibilities, they build stability. When they silence religion’s manipulations, they make room for God’s truth.
As Peter wrote: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins:. – 1 Peter 4:8
Marriage was never designed to be a battlefield of doctrines or a hierarchy of oppression. It was designed to be a covenant of love, trust, and unity.
When we separate religion from marriage, we do not separate God from marriage. Instead, we rescue God’s truth from human distortions. We liberate love from bondage. We give couples the freedom to build homes on wisdom, understanding, and divine design.
The secret is simple, yet eternal: “Love one another”.
Adeoye can be reached via +2348037723500
