This will surprise a lot of you wonderful tenants. I know with my accent, incredibly good looks and the way I carry myself. A lot of you think I am an American. But you see, I am not. I am mistakenly born in Nigeria. Actually, I am from a humble background.
I am from guess……not Iragbiji. I am from Ikorodu. Many may not know this. But I attended Oriwu College Ikorodu where I was a star footballer; scored the most goals by any player in the history of the school. There is a statue erected in my honor for my heroic feat while at that school. I hate to brag. That is why I usually do not talk about it.
Even this is news to the Landlady. If you doubt my story. Ask anybody that was in my set. I remember my best game like last night. It was against Zumratul Islamiyyah College from Igbogbo. The winner will represent the Ikorodu division.
It was a hotly contested battle of giants. Three minutes to the end of the match, the game was deadlocked. Scoreless. Then the ball was passed to me. I looked down and saw seven defenders in front of me. The first came, I made as if I was going to the right, but went to the left. They took the bait. With my incredible dribbling skills, I beat three other defenders. Then with the ball tucked in between my legs. I was able to vend off the others, like hot knife through butter.
It was now just me and the goalkeeper. I starred him in the eyes. He froze. My shot was legendary. Many goalkeepers that have dared to catch it clutched in their stomach had vomited blood. I made as if to shoot, then turned. And like Cristiano Ronaldo, I went for a bicycle kick. The ball kissed the roof of the net before resting at the back of it. It was a goal! The stadium erupted.
With just two minutes to go. It was obvious that the match was over. Oriwu College, thanks to my humble self, was on the way to Onikan Stadium to represent Ikorodu. The crowd carried and tossed me joyfully. There were close to 10,000 students. Then I noticed him. He held on to my jersey like his life depended on it. “My name is Femi Otedola”, he stammered. “I would like to be your friend”. In the din and joyful chaos. I could not make out what he was saying. Nor did I have time for him.
Days later, he came to my class. He reintroduced himself to me, still stammering and not able to look at me in the face. I was a star, mind you. And I allowed the fame to make my head bigger than it already was. I ignored him. And the other times he came begging, he was met with rebuff.
Then today while browsing around Facebook with nothing tangible to do, I saw his picture. Femi Otedola. I looked closely. Yes, it was him. The lanky stammering urchin of Oriwu College is now a billionaire! Oh blimey!!! I would like to reconnect with him.
If there is anybody on this platform that has his number, inbox me. I want him to know that I am now ready to be his friend. As a matter of fact, I will upgrade him to best friend — korikosun status. It is not because of his money. Sango (thunder) fire anybody with that thought in mind. Sopono blind anyone that thinks I am doing this for his dollars. Of course, if he gives me $500,000 pere. I will take… and give to Charity.
But I want an opportunity to say “I am sorry” for my callous past behaviour. I allowed stardom and celebrity to make me crazy. To err is human, to forgive is Otedollar….oooops I meant, Otedola.
Please somebody out there, link me up with my past paddy. It will be like winning a lottery jackpot for me. Sorry, I just want to right my wrong.
Ajasa is a public affairs commentator who punches his way through using satire. You can follow him on https://web.facebook.com/jaiyeola.ajasa
