Domestic affairs of individuals and families are largely considered as their private concerns which are protected to remain so even by the law. The norm therefore is for individuals to keep their domestic stress, strains and struggles out of the limelight of the public podium while they make concerted efforts to see how to normalise whatever is not going right at any given moment. That has been the standard practice which deserves to be sacrosanct and upheld because, truth be told, we all do have personal challenges we are grappling with. Beyond the spirit of the law, this is also the acceptable social-ethical convention across cultures.
This widely accepted convention however finds understandable exceptions when the individuals at the centre of the domestic feud or fisticuffs decide to take their private issues of concern to the public domain. This, in a way, explains what is happening in the marriage relationship involving Regina Daniels and Senator Chinedu Munir Nwoko. The two of them going public on their domestic challenges has been seen as a clear invitation for public input and commentary, some aimed towards resolution and others towards escalation.
It is also understandable that the senator is a highly rated public officer whose private conduct can turn out to be of public interest and concern. The young Regina Daniels, mother of two, also enjoys some measure of celebrity status as a gifted Nollywood actress. And it falls in line with the tradition of celebrities to, more often than not, virtually run their homes and domestic concerns via public platforms such as social media, as is now the case.
I should start by sympathising with the distinguished Senator who no doubt is presenting an ebullient representation at the National Assembly for the people of Delta North and Regina who, just a couple of years ago, was a classmate to one of my children at Benita International School, Asaba. At that point in time I was the Chairman of the school’s Parents-Teachers Association. Regina was already starring in some major Nollywood plays. Like the sages of old would say, our greatest joy and our greatest pain come in our relationships with others. When it comes to marriage settings with children already part of the storyline, the pain is deeper from the heart and requires time to properly heal. The current pains, throes and public outbursts are therefore understandable.
I passionately consider Regina in the place of any of my children considering also that the father was a contemporary of mine at the University of Calabar, Malabor campus over 35 years ago. Nwoko is my Senator and even, more significantly, a senior brother, if not what my people call in Anioma tradition and culture a ‘Diokpa’, that is the head of family from whom I expected the ample demonstration of a higher degree of wisdom and deeper level of restraint. You can therefore begin to imagine how ashamed and somewhat disappointed I felt on reading from the pages of national newspapers his own account that Regina, his wife, is deep into drug addiction, substance abuse and high level alcoholism. According to the report, this level of drug addiction has caused her to go violent, attacking staff and destroying property. Simply put, the senator’s young wife may have gone gaga. Nwoko’s words: ‘Regina was not always like this. Her current battle with drugs and alcohol abuse is at the root of our problem. She must continue her rehabilitation programme, or I fear for her life and safety’.
The senator further alleged that Regina went on a violent rampage at their home in his absence, attacking staff and destroying property. ‘She slapped and hit three staff in the past 48 hours and destroyed property, including cars and windows, for no just cause.
‘Now she has moved to a place where she will have unrestricted access to drugs’, the senator further alleged. He even went ahead to name individuals whom he claimed are responsible for supplying the drugs to his young wife.
Nwoko said he had offered Regina two rehabilitation options in Asokoro. Well, at a level, the senator may have been helping to further expose a critical issue ravaging the lives of our youth of today, threatening the foundation of many families and endangering the country’s future — drug abuse and addiction to substances. It is indeed a growing social scourge and an ensnaring evil trend that needs to be urgently tackled. The time and circumstances of his exposition, however, remain fundamentally flawed, highly inconsiderate, overtly insensitive and morally reprehensible.
His account was a response to a video clip made by Regina to express her frustration going through domestic violence in the hands of the senator. I have no doubt that some of his children from his earlier marriages could be of Regina’s age. If any of them is treated the way he has just treated Regina, the question to be considered is, how happy will that make him to be. He may, no doubt , be presenting a public profile of an active, ebullient and dynamic lawmaker at the National Assembly, which is charisma for public perception, but his footprints as a father, husband and community leader, which is core to his character and values, leave so much to be desired. It is however not too late to make amends.
Regina indeed is a victim of uncouth conspiracy between a self confessed serial polygamist and a greedy, misguided mother with little respect for values and mindful consideration for the future. The media space is currently awash with Regina’s mother, Rita explaining that she was initially not in support of the marriage. She said it was necessary she corrects the impression making the rounds that she “sold” her daughter into the now ill-fated marriage. Her current position appears to be a face-saving afterthought that many discerning members of the public will find difficult to believe. Regina’s father’s position on the union was well known but his voice was muffled, stiffled and eventually muted with syndicated blackmails. Wealth, some say, was an obvious attraction and the error of thinking was clearly that wealth could easily buy happiness in line with the saying that where money first goeth, all ways do lie open.
When a father loses his place and authority in a home, absurdities wear the toga of normalities and cosmetised niceties take the place of entrenched family values. In just six long and lonely years down the line, the deep seated fears of a father are being openly and appallingly confirmed in a way that it’s almost becoming too late for the vital lessons to be learnt especially by the key actors. Just last week, Regina’s father still maintained that his opposition to the marriage was not out of hatred but out of genuine concern for Regina’s future and happiness. Not many will doubt that money played a lead role in the build-up decision-making process of a teenage girl getting married to a fellow who could fit into the role of her grandfather.
When people insist that the young artiste was sold by her mother, the insinuations are rife about Regina being underage to have fully comprehended and appreciated the long term multidimensional implications of getting married to a billionaire politician who already had six wives and made it clear that he would marry some more as confirmation of his love for children and the fact that he has a polygamous family background. Some have even posited that the incongruity in the chemistry of the much celebrated union constitutes an interesting area of study for socio-psychologists. Rather curiously, Nwoko has been reported as saying that he was never in love with the young actress but was yielding to persistent pressure from his extended family to get married to a woman from the Anioma stock.
And the victim of the loveless union became the then 18-year-old Regina. Lest we forget, it is traditionally in the place of parenting to guide children alright so that destiny-shattering errors are averted. Having insulated the young girl’s father out of the decision making process, there’s no sufficient evidence that Rita played the role of a caring, compassionate and empathetic mother. She, instead, leveraged on the relationship to improve on her political profiling as it earned her the woman leadership of Ohaneze Ndigbo somewhere along the line, and Chairmanship of Delta State Actors Guild of Nigeria.
While this was going on, the young bundle of creative film making talent was agonising in a billionaire’s prison home where she had been domesticated, commoditised and thingified. The lines and thematic import of the first movie she ever starred in at age seven, Marriage of Sorrow had left the realm of fiction to that of haunting reality, finding full expression in her home and there is neither a director nor producer at the current location to order an end to the speedily unfolding gory and dehumanising episodic scenes.
So if she ever sought escape or respite through substance abuse, hallucinogen or any substance that will take her into an imaginary world of freedom, escape, liberty, short termed joy and emotional fulfilment, as regretable as that could be, the circumstances around her may have made that a costly but inevitable option. I honestly do not know how the Senator-husband ever thinks he can absolve or extricate himself from this nauseating miasma of physical and psychological violence amid domestic abuse on a young mind — some even prefer to call a minor. The senator is by his political position a leader and we may need to remind ourselves how Aristotle prescribed that effective leadership and character should be built upon a foundation of virtue, developed through consistent ethical choices and habits. As a Muslim, Nwoko should also be conversant with the opinion expressed by an Islamic scholar, Tirmidhi to the effect that the “most complete believer in faith is the best in morals, and the best among you is the best to their wives”. It therefore follows that whatever image we try to portray at the public space is garnished, dressed-up charisma, while it is the people of our household who should attest to our true character. And that is who we truly are.
A lawyer and lawmaker should be in a most enlightened position to live the law for the development of the society. Women have rights to be respected. They should not be treated as commodities to be trifled with and dispensed of. Any society that encourages the subjugation of women and commoditisation of the girl child is not ready to move with the tide and trend of enlightened civilization.
Regina is obviously sounding depressed and traumatised. I call on all the parties to, going forward, keep the feud out of the public space. Her safety, wellness and those of her children should be of uppermost consideration at this point. A reasonable time should be given for the issues in contention to be settled in a way that will bring about emotional stability for the young mother and her children. Everything duly considered, families, especially mothers should endeavour not to be carried away by short term considerations while helping to fashion out the destiny of their children. Let’s also remind ourselves of the historic position of a former American First Lady, Hilary Clinton that human rights are women’s rights and women’s rights are human rights. How we treat our women whether in the closet or in the public goes a long way to succinctly define who we truly are and the direction our society is headed.
