I just read a submission by a good friend of mine, a lady, to the effect that men are driving women into sexual profligacy because of their sexual indiscipline.
Here is my response: By the way this is not a moral treatise. So if you have preconceived notions about my response I am sorry.
No virtuous woman goes a whoring simply because her husband is two timing her. She had it in her. I can go further to say, from history and available evidence, that such a woman will still not stay faithful irrespective of hubby’s loyalty.
Sexual fidelity is not something that you do as a reward for the fidelity of your partner. You do it because you believe in it; because you have the moral conviction and physical resistance to daily temptation. A woman can decide to sleep around, but don’t blame your husband’s attitude for that.
If it’s revenge mission, do you go and announce to him, “hey, I have gotten a lover too just like you, now we are even, Steven”. No you don’t. You crawl to your lover in secret and bear the physical intrusion with guilt. Yes, and the pleasure too.
From prehistoric times, men were the hunters, the gatherers, they take the risks, they engage in survival adventure, they seek…this creates a genetic predisposition for wanting to try new things out, taking more risks, and, of course, going to every length to provide for family. This also means they are exposed to more temptations and are wired to experiment. This does not change or affect their love for primary partners.
Women are different. Before now, it was the woman’s place to stay at home and ensure the homestead is catered for. A woman is loyal to one authority at a time.
What’s the problem with a woman straying around? The strange man possesses her and becomes her sovereign. When a woman strains out of her homestead to taste the forbidden apple, she submits her body, her emotion and her loyalty. If she is smart and strong enough to own herself back, lucky; if not, the original partner is not just losing a wife, he is on the way to losing his life. Women are loyal to one man at a time.
But things changed…
Some men now stay home and care for the kids. Some women became hunters…
But there is nothing we can do about genetic predisposition. Even the jobless man sitting at home caring for the kids while his poor wife is all over the place breaking her back to feed him and the kids still has those crazy hunter-adventurer juices coursing through his veins. And so you find that he will probably be hunting the straggler females on the street…shamefully though.
This is NOT an excuse for that woman to adopt a habit that does not align with her virtuous nature. She can throw him on the streets and find a responsible man instead.
But if she prefers to keep him and feed the hunter genes growing within her…it’s OK too…just don’t blame the menfolk for your philandering. It’s just you succumbing to your own instincts. And that’s fine.
So women started acquiring the hunter gatherer male genes. The beast that used to be a male thing has now possessed many women. They too now look for sex where ever they can find it. So what is the moral outrage about? What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, yes. The only problems?
So now you can see the reason why the marriage institution is bewildered and confused. It was built on “old fashioned” concepts of loyalty and sexual fidelity. But here is the real point you should note: While men hunt game for fun and food, women submit their body and souls to the game. Nature made man the possessor and woman the possessed. This is not fair perhaps but we can’t question the Creator. So while men retain control of their faculties and maintain loyalty, if not sexual fidelity, to their spouses, most women just give it all up once some new “game” comes up.
Hunting is a search for game. Men eat the game, but women get eaten by the game. It’s not their fault. It genes. Pure biology.
And that’s the big problem with female infidelity.
Adeoya is an entrepreneur with interests in hospitality, publishing, marketing communication consulting, agriculture and other ventures